Candy Voice & Devil's Smile Aoi(TheGazette)Fanfiction
by LeviaInvidia
Summary: A 23 year old girl pursues her dream in Japan. Little did she know, where her red thread of fate was connected to...
1. Chapter 1

''WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?'' a muffled scream echoed across the quiet apartment.

When she opened her eyes she realized that what she was living or at least what she thought she was living, was just a dream. She actually had the same reaction every morning she opened her eyes to the real world.

The world in her head was so much better.

She didn't want to get up just yet so she just streched her whole body in order to wash away from her mind the remnants of her once again vivid dream. She just kept on lying there staring at this certain poster that was on the wall in front of her bed.

She sighed and buried her head again in the pillow that muffled her wake-up screaming. ''Shit like that need to stop happening!'' she said angrily at herself clenching the pillow.

When she decided she had to breathe, she got up from the bed. She realised she had slept with her eye contacts again, she didn't have a problem though. She stepped in the bathroom. It was still 6AM. She had all the time in the world to take a bath and whatnot. The phone call she was waiting for wasn't until 9AM.

She stepped out of the bathroom. Wrapping the towel around her, letting the watter from her hair drip on the floor, she went inside her bedroom. She wore some panties and a bra. Clothes were unecessary yet. She looked herself in the mirror and smirked.

''Aren't you a little skinny kiddo?'' she said while she was stroking her almost flat stomach with her thumb. Her eyes fell on the reflection of the poster she was looking at earlier. Five handsome men were staring back at her. But she was only paying attention to the older one. She didn't let herself blink. This poster was somehow her favorite.

She laughed at herself. She was twenty-three years old and she was still a huge fangirl of almost everything. Especially with visual kei and j-rock bands. That was one of the reasons she moved to Tokyo. Greece had nothing to offer her anymore. It had been already a month since she moved here. She was rather satisfied with her life here in Tokyo, so far. She had a part-time job at a telephone service company but she was also a make-up artist. She was making enough money to rent this apartment she was currently living in.

She had her day off today from her part time job and she was expecting a call from an agency she had an interview three days ago. The chief lady, as she liked to call the head of the agency, was very satisfied with her work and the samples she had prepared for this interview. She told her that she would arrange her a meeting with a japanese band.

She bit her bottom lip nervously. If she was lucky enough, she would work for them. One-week's work meant enough money. Not only for paying her rent but for shopping too.

'No need to be nervous.'' she said to herself as she grabbed a comb and started brushing her black hair. She was almost sure that the band would accept her to work for them. She payed lots of attention when it would come to the cosmetics subject. It was her favorite thing to do.

She took her cellphone from the table that was next to the mirror. '_Half past seven, time for a cig'_ she thought as she searched with her eyes for her Marlboro Menthol, her favorite brand. She went to the kitchen. She found them on the fridge next to the ashtray. She forgot to empty it last night and now the smell of the last-night cigarettes was entering her nostrils making her want to smoke as soon as possible. She lit a cigarette. As she inhaled the smoke, she felt her head becoming lighter. She watched the smoke floating in the air. She took the ashtray and sat on the floor. She had plenty of chairs but she didn't feel like sitting on them.

She sat there for several minutes. She didn't realise the time had passed. The ashtray was more than full now, some of the ashes were on the floor contrasting with the white tiles. She heard her cell phone ringing. '_Was it nine already?' _ She put out the cigarette and ran at her bedroom. She picked it up.

''Hello?''

There she was. Walking with a fast pace in the streets of Tokyo.

_ 'I TOOK THE FUCKING JOB' _ she screamed inside her head. She was gripping firmly the bag with all her make up products because of the enthusiasm as she kept on repeating the name of the band she was going to work for.

_An Cafe..._

The fangirl inside her wanted to burst out screaming like a 10-year-old child. But no, she had to be professional towards them. She wasn't emotionaly prepared though. She was going to touch their beautiful faces.

With all these thoughts, she didn't realise she was out of the place she was supposed to be. It was half an hour away from her place so she didn't have any problem going there by foot. She took a deep breath and entered the building.

''Juusan!'' She heard a woman's voice calling her name after closing the door behind her. Actually that was her nickname. _Juusan_ seemed pretty much a suitable name for Tokyo, Japan in general, and it was easier to pronounce than her real name. She had come up with it at a random time. Juusan in english was the number thirteen. She always believed that this number was connected with her. It was either bringing her luck or bad luck. It was a number that had always brought surprises at her life.

''I hope you didn't have any problem finding the address.'' The chief lady asked Juusan. She was a tall middle-aged woman with dark red hair. Her agency was the most successful in Tokyo.

''Not really, it was rather easy'' she said smiling at the chief lady. Smiling warmly back at her, the middle-aged woman led her to a huge room that seemed like the loby of the building.

''Juusan dear, wait here please. A make up assistant will arrive at any moment. She will lead you to the band. Are you going to be alright?'' she asked the skinny girl in front of her that seemed to be bitting her lip much harder than any other time.

She nodded and sat down on a couch.

''Just to know dear, you guys won't be alone here. There are other bands and celebrities in every room, since they are used as interview rooms. Try not to get in their way because not everyone here is nice.''

''I will do my best sensei'' Juusan said.

When the chief lady left, she sighed. She had to wait patiently for that make up assistant to come. She had to leave before anyone else came here in the lobby because she was sure that she would make a fool of herself. No matter how comfy this couch was, with what she was thinking she couldn't feel herself getting any comfortable at all. She closed her eyes and recalled the dream that made her shiver once again. It was with the same person but in a different scenery, with a different scenario. He was her dreamy guy.

She knew of course that celebrities, or in her case j-rockers, didn't go out with average people like her. So, all she could do was to fangirl with her favorite celebrities and read about them in magazines. She was looking forward to see someone live though.

When she imagined being on the crowd headbanging, she giggled and bit her bottom lip again. 'How awesome could that be?'

A bell rang but it sounded so far away from her. Her mind was drifting away...

Several doors opened at once. She snapped out of her thoughts. She heard footsteps coming from every direction.

Suddenly in front of her were several band members and glamorous celebrities. All dressed with flamboyant outfits. Her dream was coming true. Everyone was in front of her. Apparently the interviews were over at the same time. Japanese members kept on passing by in front of her eyes. Some talking on the phone, others talking with each other. All laughing with their perfect teeth showing off.

'Ugh why are they so perfect oh my god!' she thoughed as she suddenly found it hard sitting there on the couch. She wanted to get up and go hug every single one in the room. Everyone had his own unique style. They were perfect.

Suddenly she saw Miyavi appearing in the center of the room. She let her jaw drop on the floor. Juusan was drooling all over him. She couldn't control it. She let the fangirl inside her enjoy every single moment of this eye-candy named Miyavi.

She must have been drooling over him for several minutes but what she heard made her crash on the ground again.

''You know he is engaged, right?'' someone whispered in her ear. This familiar male's voice made her freeze. It brought tears to her eyes. The fangirl inside her was quiet too. She couldn't react.

''Yuu,'' his name slipped from her mouth. Her voice only a whisper.

He heard her though. ''You know me?'' he asked surprised.

Suddenly she stood up the scent of Marlboro Menthol piercing her wasn't her scent though. It was him. Or at least she thought it was him. Maybe she was fangirling so hard that she _wanted_ to believe it was him. She had to know... The man's name who was behind her was Yuu, but everything could be just coincidence. It was _her _life. He couldn't be the real Yuu. if it was him he wouldn't talk to her. He wouldn't even approach her. Stuff like that only happened in her dreams. She turned around to see to whom belonged this male's voice that sounded so familiar in her ears. Her eyes were already watery but when she turned around to face him, tears slipped. It was him. In front of her.

Aoi


	2. Chapter 2

''How was your love life back then?'' The reporter asked Ruki with a gleam in her eyes.

Aoi noticed that but he tried to keep a straight face. They were in the last part of the interview either way. It wouldn't be cool if he ruined everything now. But that reporter sure seemed like she was ready to throw the little recorder she was holding, away and ride Ruki. He bit his bottom lip trying to look focused and interested in this rather pointless interview.

''My friend introduced me to a girl when I was a freshman and I liked her.'' Ruki shrugged as he replied to her with a straight face. He was probably not interested in this interview too.

''Even though you liked her, she confessed to you?'' she insisted, probably trying to expose something juicy about Ruki's love life.

''Yes,'' he said with a firm tone in his voice, giving a small smile at the reporter, letting her know that this was all the information she would get from him.

She flashed him a smile and then turned to Aoi. It was his turn to reply answers about his love life. He didn't feel like digging the past though and more importantly to talk about his current love life, which was unexistant, but the reporter didn't need to know that, neither any of the fans.

As the reporter opened her mouth to ask the same silly questions to Aoi, the little bell rang. The interview, as all the interviews in this building, was over. He smiled satisfyingly as he noticed the frown that was formed on the reporter's lips.

''Thank you for your time,'' both Ruki and Aoi heard her murmur as she bowed slightly. They did the same.

As she left the room and closed the door behind her, Ruki started laughing. "She got you a little bit nervous didn't she, Aoi-chan?'' He glanced Aoi who had already lit a cigarette and was fixing his hair looking in a small mirror.

"I can not understand what you're talking about," Aoi smirked with the cigarette in his mouth fixing some of his bangs falling in his face.

Ruki lit a cigarette too and checked his cell phone to see if he had any missed calls from the other band members. This interview was only meant for him and Aoi. He didn't know why. Weird reporters and their suggestions. He went behind him and grinned as they were both reflecting in the mirror. ''You were literally saved by the bell Aoi-chan! You never talk about your love life. A bell always saves you,'' he said as he messed up Aoi's hair with his free hand.

Aoi tried to push him away but he didn't manage it since Ruki pulled himself away quickly. He inhaled trying to find the right answer to what Ruki said and control his annoyance from having his hair ruined. ''There is nothing to talk about Ruki,'' he smiled back at the blond young man in front of him who had a playfull expression on his face.

But not for long. Ruki's expression changed and became more worried. "It's been almost two years since you had a girlfriend, Yuu,'' his voice almost a whisper just in case any of the reporters in the building were eavesdropping.

Aoi looked him in the eyes and smiled kindly at him. "You know, being the oldest one here, i thnk i should be the one worrying for you my dear Ruki. I am fine with no having a girlfriend. You know that for me the-''

''The band and work in general comes first, yeah i know,'' Ruki said rolling his eyes.

Aoi chuckled. ''First ruining my hair, now finishing my sentences...man this is a whole new level of disrespecting your band mate!''

Ruki sticked his tongue out. When he saw no reaction from Aoi, he grabbed his bag from the couch and glanced him for the last time. ''Finding a girlfriend will make you happier. Stop being a workaholic, there are other joys in life too," he said with a sad tone as he turned the knob and opened the door.

''I'm not a workaholic! I work hard for the good of the band!'' Aoi said but Ruki had already left. He sighed.

_Ruki..._

As Aoi was running down the stairs to reach the lobby, hoping to find Ruki and give him his lucky charm, which he found on the interview's room floor, he couldn't help but think his life these two years.

_'Baka! Your life right now is everything you ever wanted. The band is great, you have done a really god job all these years. Nothing can ruin that now. You have your bandmates, your band is pro, that's everything you need.'_

He shook his head, fending off the slightest thought of the possibility of getting a girlfriend. He lit another cigarette. Marlboro Menthol, his favorite brand. He reached the lobby. Everyone was outside there making it hard for him to find Ruki.

'_I really do wonder whose idea was to arrange interviews alltogether at the same time,' _he thought as he frowned. His brown eyes spotted a skinny doll-like figure sitting on a couch that was pretty much facing the whole room. He could tell from its outfit that _it_ didn't belong here with them. He took two steps towards that figure putting the cigarette on his mouth inhaling the sweet smoke. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled the smoke leaving on the air a grey almost transparent cloud. He stood on the wall next to him to observe a little bit closely the figure, that he now noticed, was sitting in a rather weird angle. It was a girl, he could tell that now from her black hair that was pulled up in a bun. Her head was tilted in one side making her neck looking smaller that it already was as he could tell. He was right behind her. Even if he made any kind of noise she wouldn't listen to him bacause of the general noise that every person in the room was making.

He took some steps closer to her. Now, he could see the profile of her face. It seemed like her head was in the clouds. On her lips was curved a small smile, her eyes focused on something, probably the reason of her current situation. He searched with his eyes the crowd trying to find what this girl was looking at. He spotted it.

_Miyavi.._

So, she was drooling all over Miyavi huh? That skinny multi-color haired prick! Of course he was a noteable guitarist but for some reason he didn't like him at all. He smiled though. This girl seemed to like him enough to drool all over him.

_'Apparently she is a fan' _he thought judging from her simple outfit. Her hands were gripping the end of her dress, shaking slightly.

_'So excited...' _he thought again as he sucked another puff from his cigarette.

He leaned next to her ear, his smile now was even wider. ''You know he is engaged, right?'' he whispered at the girl.

What happened next, well, he was not prepared for it.

As he stood up straight, he saw her not reacting. He was again behind her. Her body didn't move an inch. He was ready to turn around and continue searching for Ruki since this girl apparently wasn't offering him ay kind of amusement but then, he heard it. Although the room was full of people who were talking really loudly, he heard it..

_Yuu.._

No one was calling him like that anymore. Apart from his family and more rarely from his bandmates. He blinked. How could she even tell who he was since she didn't even turn around to look at him and more importantly, since he had never seen her before?

"You know me?''

The girl did not reply. He watched as she slowly stood up after a couple of seconds passed. She was really petite. The dark haired girl turned around, at last, to face him. Her blue eyes met his. Aoi noticed that tears started running down her cheeks. She broke the eye conact and stared down at the floor.

''What the fuck did i do? Are you alright?'' he asked terrified looking at her as she placed her hand over her mouth trying to muffle the sobbing. Aoi couldn't help but stand there helpless since he didn't know how to react. And her, not being able to speak, was not helping at all.

Suddenly someone grabbed his arm, he turned around and saw an also terrified Ruki staring at the spot where the girl was. ''What happened to her?'' he asked, his eyes looking right in Aoi's eyes, probably trying to figure out if he had anything to do with this.

''I really don't know, she-''

as soon as Aoi started to explain the situation to Ruki, turning around, he saw nothing but an empty spot. He quickly scanned the lobby with his eyes. She was nowhere to be found.

''She left when you turned to talk to me man.'' Ruki kept on looking at him worried. ''You didn't do anything to her right?''

Aoi just stood there looking the empty spot where the girl was standing seconds ago.

_Who was she..._

The finished cigarette between his fingers slipped as he turned around to leave the room. As he walked away from the couch he threw the lucky charm to Ruki. He didn't feel like talking.

_Those blue eyes..._


	3. Chapter 3

Juusan looked herself in the mirror. She wasn't proud of what happened at the lobby, at all. It was a miracle she managed to move her legs that felt like jelly at that moment and flee from the embarrassing situation. Shiroyama Yuu, himself talked to her. He whispered in her ear. She shivered as she replayed the moment in her head.

_'Why did you have to act like that. Now he must think you are a complete idiot. My god, you really can't do ANYTHING right!' _ the voice in her head said mockingly. She frowned as some more tears found their way out of her bottom lids. She couldn't even look him in the eyes. She only managed that for a quick moment when she turned around to face him. She managed to capture his eyes that were full of surprise.

_''_Right,'' she said, her voice only a whisper. ''I whispered his name, he heard it. No wonder he was surprised. He must think i am a weird stalker then, not just an idiot.''

She bit her bottom lip angrily. It bled. She had never dreamt of meeting Aoi under this kind of circumstances. In her dreams everything about _this_ moment were...well, anything was better than _this _moment. Not this. Sometimes she hated being a fangirl. She hated in general getting really excited about stuff. Stuff that could cause her any kind of emotion.

She blinked to clear the blury vision of her eyes. It was a good thing she didn't wear any make up or so, the tears would have made her face messier than it was already. She couldn't even apply the liquid eyeliner neatly on her eyes since she was too anxious from meeting An Cafe, so she simply gave up trying.

'_Fucking hell, the band!'_ she thought with her red puffy eyes opened widely.

_'The make up assistant,' _the little voice in her haid whispered. With that, she stormed out of the bathroom.

She also realised that she had forgotten her cosmetic bag on the couch where she was sitting earlier. If the make up assistant was already there waiting for Juusan, she might got into trouble for missing when she was supposed to meet the band.

Making her way to the lobby, she tried to keep a low profile among the people that where already in the halls, but of course she didn't manage it.

After pushing a lot of people out of the way, she finally made it to the lobby. Approaching the couch, Juusan nervously glanced around the room to see if the chief lady or anyone else who seemed pissed was around looking for her. Frankly, no one was there and with a sigh of relief she took a step forward to reach her cosmetic bag that was left forgotten on the floor. She noticed though that it was open. Taking this step forward, Jussan stepped on something. That something let out a painful exclamation. She looked down and saw that she had stepped on Kanon's foot. He was kneeled down snooping around her cosmetic bag. His eyes staring right back at hers.

She jumped back from the horror that she had stepped on the bassist of An Cafe and even though, he was the one who was caught red-handed, Juusan took a deep bow and apologised loudly for stepping on him. She felt her cheeks burning. Second embarrassing situation of the day, she was so lucky this morning...

Juusan heard Kanon laughing. She raised her head and looked at him. He looked really friendly and not at all mad. She smiled nervously at him trying to seem as cool as she could.

''You are Juusan right?'' the thin bassist asked the embarrassed girl in front of him.

The fangirl inside her screamed from happiness that he knew who she was. It was nice hearing her name coming out of someone's famous' mouth. ''Yes that's me,'' she replied smiling widely now. She didn't help but notice though, that Kanon was holding an eyeliner on his hand, that probably came from her bag. He noticed that and handed it back to her.

''I'm really sorry about that. I wanted to look pretty before you came,'' he smiled innocently at Juusan who immediately looked away blushing like crazy. She didn't want to say anything stupid though because it would be lame to bring herself in a more awkward situation than this,

_and the one before this,_

so she simply nodded to the spiked-hair man in front of her, that it was ok. The fangirl inside her was still screaming restless while Juusan kept on avoiding the eye-contact with him, just in case Kanon could see what was going on inside her head.

''So are you ready to meet the rest of the band?'' Kanon's voice made her look at him. A smile was still formed on his lips.

''Yes but where is the make up assistant?'' she asked. It seemed like his smile was slowly making her more comfortable because there would be no other way to ask that directly.

''Sahana-chan called in sick about fifteen minutes ago so, i came myself to lead you to our dressing room. You will meet everyone and then you and me are going to discuss about some make up concept ideas i want your advice on.'' Kanon grinned. He motioned for her to follow him as he started moving between some groups of people that had been formed, probably when they were talking.

Juusan grabbed the cosmetic back quickly and followed him trying not to lose him from her eyes. Kanon was walking pretty fast and it was hard for her to keep up with him. She hadn't even managed to put the eyeliner Kanon handed her back, in her bag.

''Has something upseted you? Your eyes were red,'' she heard him asking.

''Nope,'' she smiled nervously. ''I just got really anxious since it's my first time working with japanese bands and i couldn't help it.'' She looked at Kanon with the corner of her eye and saw him looking straight ahead. She couldn't tell if he believed her or not. She had to lie though. It would be really awkward to say that she actually cried over a guitarist.

Suddenly, Kanon turned and smiled at Juusan, patting her back lightly. ''Then do your best with our band, Juu, we are counting on you,'' he said as they finally reached the band's dressing room.

Juusan got back at her apartment around seven. Everything with the band went great. All of them were friendly and greeted her joyfully. Miku even offered her sake after she was done talking with Kanon about his concept ideas. She was going to work mostly with him.

Even though she didn't enjoy drinking that much, sake tasted good while she was smoking. Plus she didn't want to deny Miku's sake treat. What she achieved from getting carried away was to get tipsy. '_How unprofessional'_ she thought as she started undressing lazily leaving trail of clothes as she slowly reached her bedroom.. Even though Juusan was pretty much sure that everyone was in the same condition as her she hoped that no one of them noticed her and her talkative side. She almost spilled out that she had an encounter with Aoi.

''Why did i have to meet you this way?'' Juusan asked the oldest of the five men in the poster as she lied on her bed.

''I must be the most unlucky girl ever. Making a fool of myself in front of you. I've decided thought!'' she said and jumped off her bed approaching the poster. ''I won't let myself get any more silly around you if i ever see you again Shiroyama'' she said determingly to the poster poking Aoi's paper-tummy.

Juusan scratched her head and chuckled. ''Why am i even talking to the poster?'' She sighed and turned her back to the poster. She grabbed her bag searching for her cigarettes and the lighter.

_'Only five cigarettes left? I can't even be bothered to go buy another pack.'_

Juusan rolled her eyes as she decided to deal with the laziness she was feeling and go buy cigarettes tomorrow before going at the same building as today. She lit a cigarette and opened the stereo. The CD from The Gazette's album DIM started playing.

As the intro was playing, she left the cigarette to the ashtray and wore her pyjamas.

As the intro was over, Juusan raised the volume more. It was time of her favorite song. She took her cigarette and put it on her mouth smiling slightly as the song began, the guitar noise filling the dull room and Ruki's voice started filling the melodic sounds.

_Pig is that soaked in soup of crime_

_Is it a pain of the children whom you murdered_

_Hate yourself _

She took a strong puff. Ruki was there with Aoi too. If he hadn't come, she wouldn't have been able to leave. She was so greatfull, even though he didn't help her on purpose. Ruki was as surprised as Aoi, she took a glimpse of them before she practicaly crawled between other people's legs in order to hide.

_Sorrow made you_

_Sorrow made you_

_Sorrow made you_

_Tsugunai tsuzuke and die._

''Definitely not what i have dreamt of,'' she whispered to herself as she looked at her poster.

The next day, the sun woke her up. Juusan blinked a couple of times and stretched her numb body. That helped her wake her brain up. As she got up, she dragged herself to the bathroom. After washing her face and lighting the last cigarette of the pack, she started picking up yesterday's trail of clothes mumbling to herself how lazy she was. Going into the kitchen, to drink a glass of milk, she glanced the clock on the wall. It was still eight. She was supposed to meet with Kanon and the rest of the band at eleven.

Taking a sip of the cold refreshing glass of milk and then a puff of her morning cigarette, Juusan decided that in order to fully wake up was to actually listen to some Gazette music. Yesterday's album started playing again, the volume as high as the previous night and probably even more. Juusan stood there enjoying every note. She didn't know much about music but this kind of sound always brought some kind of plesure to her. She looked around wondering how lucky she was that the neighbours hadn't made any copmlaints yet.

Suddenly, she heard a knock on her door.

''There goes my luck!'' she said rolling her eyes.

The knocking was continuous. Gentle but yet loud enough to be heard over the loud music coming out of her stereo. She let the glass of milk next to her stereo, the cigarette still burning between her fingers. She reached her apartment's doorknob ready to turn it and opening the door ready to apologise for the noise and ready to be as polite as possible since she really didn't want to have any trouble with anyone here.

She took a strong puff from her cigarette prepared for the worst kind of yelling. What the closed door revealed behind it though, caused Juusan to let her jaw drop open.

''Holy shit,'' she said as the smoke she inhaled earlier left her mouth.

Those big brown eyes were staring right in hers with as much surprise as the blue eyes were staring right back at his.

''Holy shit indeed,'' Juusan heard him whispering as she saw a smirk forming on his lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Even though the music was loud, her head felt empty, with only a faint sound of her beating heart echoing somewhere in the back of it.

_Or maybe it was his_

No, it was hers, that's why the faint beating sound was fast.

Did he know who she was? Did he remember her face from yesterday? She didn't know how many minutes passed since she had opened the door to him and were just standing there staring at each other. The surprised look on Aoi's face had disappeared as soon as Juusan noticed it. His expression was now amused. ''Can i come in...Juusan?'' he asked as he understood that the petite girl from yesterday was just going to stand there staring at him. She nodded slightly and moved at one side so he could get inside. Her moves were stiff, she really felt uneasy that she was caughed off of guard. Aoi could sense that yet,he couldn't help but enjoy it.

''So, you are a fan...Juusan?'' he asked emphasizing her name, sitting on the couch that was next to the stereo.

'How embarrassing,' she thought as she closed the door and with quick steps reached the stereo and turned it off. She smiled nervously and took a puff of her cigarette that was forgotten between her fingers. She couldn't handle awkward situations like this without smoking. In front of her was Aoi, THE Aoi. In her very own apartment. As she exhaled the smoke from her nostrils she nodded. ''Yes, a huge one,'' Juusan replied to his question.

''And i see you smoke the same brand as i do, how cute,'' he grinned as he looked at her. Juusan blinked several times as she started blushing. She excused herself for a moment and went inside the kitchen. Five breaths were what she needed to get some strength and return back to the room where Aoi was. Actually her legs moved on their own. She brought him the ashtray from there, placed it on the couch and took a small bow in front of him after putting out her cigarette.

She sat on the floor. Inside her head the little voice was screaming to pull her shit together cause she shouldn't allow herself to get embarrassed in front of him ..._again_.

''May i ask what are you doing here s- sir?'' Juusan said as she almost choked on her saliva. She was afraid that this might sound nosey but on the other hand it was her apartment.

''Sir?'' he raised his eyebrows. That smirk on his lips was so obvious now. ''How old are you?''

''Twenty-three,'' she replied. Her voice now was more clear. She was determined to keep herself calm and act like a normal girl. She had to put her fangirl feelings aside, so she simply imagined that she was talking to a normal person, not someone famous.

''Ah, well i'm twenty-seven so i don't see any reason why you should call me sir. Unless you see me again while working in the building, as yesterday. Cases like that ought to be more formal.'' His voice was smooth and clear. So, he remembered. Since Juusan didn't see any empathy in his eyes about yesterday's situation, she decided to keep a straight face and wait for the reply of her question.

''I wanted to practise some guitar parts but when i started, loud music coming from a near building interrupted me and since it was my band's album playing i thought i should check it out. How many chances there were to actually find the crying girl from yesterday?'' He laughed and took out his pack of cigarettes. Marlboro Menthol..''Aren't you going to smoke?'' he asked the doll-like girl that was still looking at him with those blue eyes. He could tell that she was still afraid to talk freely. '_That's the bad thing about fans, they can't hold even a simple conversation. That's what makes them even more boring.'_

''I dont have any more cigarettes,'' she mumbled looking away. Aoi threw his pack towards her. She hardly managed to catch it. She smiled as a thank you as she took a cigarette. She threw the pack back at him and lit her cigarette. ''So you live next to me? Awesome.'' Aoi's look betrayed the fact that he was actually curious about what the girl meant with 'awesome' and she understood that.

''I'm not a dangerous obsessive fan don't worry,'' she lied, at least for the 'not being obsessive' part.

"Of course you aren't dangerous,'' he chuckled. ''You are so petite, you could just snap a bone while trying to hurt me,'' he provoked her while his eyes where examining her body. The pajamas' bottoms she was wearing were rather baggy but he recalled her figure from yesterday where the outfit was revealing more of her body like her thin pale legs.

''Nothing can snap me!'' he heard her saying in a irritable tone. His eyes returned back to her face. On her lips a pout was formed. She reminded him of little children being mad over their parents. Probably she didn't enjoy being teased. She was so cute though.

Aoi put the cigarette on the ashtray. He looked at Juusan who couldn't help but death glare him. He slided from the couch smoothly down on the floor sitting on his knees. He was now face to face with Juusan. His senses were telling him that she felt really vulnerable as he was right in front of her. Her eyes were open wide and her mouth was slightly open. He brushed with his hand her warm pink cheek, smirking. He leaned to her ear. She could smell him now, the scent of his cigarette brand and the Bvlgari cologne she knew that was his favorite. She couldn't move and his touch made her shiver.

''If nothing can snap you, then why did you cry when you saw me?'' he whispered.

Juusan gulped. Her body stiffened up more and squeezed her unfinished cigarette between her fingers breaking it. She felt Aoi's cheek brushing on hers as he stood up.

She heard him walking away from where she was sitting, then the door open and close.

'Why,' she wondered herself, even though the answer never crossed her mind. She lay down on the floor with a groan. Placing her hand on her face, she covered her eyes. Aoi's scent was still all around the room, she didn't know whether she should be happy of this encounter or not. Repeating his question over and over in her head and how stupid she was for her incapability to act normaly for once, she fell asleep...


	5. Chapter 5

"Juusan drink another one!" Miku whined bringing the whole bottle of sake in front of her face.

"For the last time Miku, it's not going to make the poor girl wake up," Teruki said laughing and yanked the sake bottle away from Miku's hands, causing some of the fluid to spill on the floor.

"Now, now, we should all calm down," Kanon said leaving his bass carefully down in a corner and taking the bottle away from Teruki's hands.

Juusan was cornered by Miku who was trying to make her drink the sake. She was feeling really bad about falling asleep and being late at work. While running to find a cab, she stopped to buy cigarettes for her and food for everyone. She thought that this would help the band to forgive her for this unfortunate event. Yet, when she arrived, even though she was late, none of the guys seemed mad at her. Taduya and Yu-ki grabbed and ate the food all by themselves after greeting her and Miku was insisting on her drinking sake because her eyes were red from what he assumed was drowsiness. Juusan couldn't say no so she sipped a little. It didnt make her feel good though since it was still only noon and her stomach was pretty much empty. So now she was just standing there in a corner feeling crappy and stuff.

"Look at what you did Teruki-kun! Next time keep your hands away from my magic liquid!" Miku said with a childlish voice.

Kanon let the bottle on the table that was in the middle of the dressing room and pushed gently Miku from the back to go sit on the couch. As Kanon had his back turned, Juusan saw Teruki sticking his tongue out on Miku and giggled. Kanon turned to her and smiled slightly. ''Juusan if you may, start practising on Miku's face for that concept i was talking to you about yesterday. Since Sahana is still sick, you have to undertake all of us. But please don't get nervous, we have two hours for the make-up preparation plus," he smiled to her encouragingly, "i'm sure you will do your best." Juusan smiled back at Kanon confidentially. Of course she was going to do her best. She hadn't come to Japan for no reason. She had to be the best. She grabbed her make up bag and suddenly she wasn't feeling tired anymore..

Vending machines. It was pretty much the only thing Juusan was seeing everytime she was walking in the streets of Tokyo. Vending machines outside, vending machines inside. And this building, well it seemed to be full of those, or at least in this floor.

'Apparently every floor is differently themed or something' she thought checking her pockets for any coins. Looking up, she tried to find any normal looking snack inside this pandemonium of japanese snacks but she soon gave up putting some coins in the slot pressing the number that corresponded to a food named _Daifuku _as she read through the glass. It seemed the most eatable of all the things inside there.

She sat there on the floor trying to open the snack bag. As she managed to open it, she recalled from the Japanese lessons she was attending, that daifuku in a literal meaning meant _good luck . _She sat there staring the inside of the little bag.

_'I could really use some good luck,'_ she thought.

The guys were at the photoshoot. She had managed to paint their faces in less that one and a half hour. She was surprised that it took her so little time. _'The durance of the make up procedure might be a sign that i did something wrong,' _ she thought as she took one of those round snacks out of the bag and took a bite. It was rather sweet. Rice, corn, bits from fruits. She grimmached with the sound that the fruit bits were making when they were crashed by her teeth. It was unexpectedly tasty though.

Juusan opened her bag to take a cigarette. As she lit it, the sweet aroma of menthol got released. _'I wonder if Aoi-san is here today or if he stayed home practising.' _There she was, minding her own business and wondering what her fangirl crush was doing while a young man was standing some footsteps away from her, glancing her nervously because he might had to ask her for something he needed. Juusan hadn't noticed him, yet.

"Excuse me miss," his voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "Do you have any extra 100YEN? Apparently i mostly have banknotes with me and only few coins." She heard him chuckle embarrassed. She searched in her pockets and finally raised her head to look at the young man who had approached her when she was lost in her thoughts. As she gave him the money, he smiled thanking her. His dimples became obvious and she felt like fainting at any moment because she had just given money to the Gazette's drummer, Kai. Good thing though was that she was already sitting down, so the sock didn't affect her much.

Kai was already in front of one of the vending machines. Juusan in order to surpress the happiness and surprise that she felt like they were really obvious on her face, she put a whole daifuku in her mouth. She saw Kai coming towards her. He was now holding a small bag of what it seemed to have chips in it and a plastic cup on the other hand. "Do you mind if i sit here with you?" he asked politely. Juusan motioned it was alright, her left hand placed in front of her mouth so as to prevent from any food bit coming out of her mouth. "My my you sure are hungry," he giggled as he sat down beside her. "I brought this cup for you as an ashtray it has some water in it," he said placing the small plastic cup next to her legs. He smiled again.

_Kai is known to be a very sunny and smiley person. In fact, he is well-known for his 'cute' smiles and 'unique' laugh._ She recalled from a j-rock related article about him. He was indeed so cute when he was smiling.

They just sat there. Kai was chewing his chips as slow as he could because they were making noise. Juusan was struggling to swallow the stupid daifuku that was stuck in her throat because of the sticky rice. Her cigarette even though half-finished, ended up in the plastic ashtray since she couldn't smoke with all the food in her mouth. After she finally managed to get rid of it, she sighed with relief. Kai seemed to have finished with his snack. He never said a word while they were both eating but she sometimes caught him glancing at her. He stood up suddenly. "Thanks for the company and for the money. Oh, and keep on eating those. They bring good luck most of the time." he smiled at her for a last time and turned around to leave.

Juusan bit her lip. She might never again have the chance to be so close to him so she had to ask for an autograph. Even though it was embarrassing she had to satisfy her fangirl needs plus she did him a favor so he should return it. "Please wait!" she said rather demandingly. Kai turned around. He was still smiling. Juusan grabbed her bag as she stood up. Approaching him, she searched inside her bag for a piece of paper and a pen. "Please if you are kind enough give me an autograph," she said handing them to him. Kai chuckled. "And i thought you would never ask. What's your name?" "Juusan" she replied looking at him sheepishly.

After handing her back his autoghraph, he ran his fingers through his hair examining her. "So, what a fan is doing here if i may ask, i thought they weren't allowed in here." Juusan took out of her bag her pass, just in case he didn't believe her. "I'm a make up artist. I work for An Cafe and more percisely for Kanon-san. Even though i won't be here for long since they booked me for only a week." she smiled at him. Kai opened his mouth to say something but a voice coming from behind him made both him and Juusan turn to look.

"There you are!" a rather grumpy Aoi appeared from behind him. His eyes fell on Juusan. She really looked pretty just standing there all surprised seeing him all of sudden. _'Such a lucky day,'_ he thought. He smirked as he approached the drummer and placed his arm on Kai's shoulder. They were all supposed to practise hard. Aoi had made a schedule for all of them including himself to keep up with their producer's expectations and most importantly HIS expectations.

"I thought i told you no slacking. There is a live coming soon." he said with a rather strict voice to Kai. Kai though never stopped smiling. Apparently he was used to Aoi's strict tone. On the other hand, Juusan was just standing there looking both of them. She wanted to say hello to him but the look on Aoi's face wasn't rather friendly at the moment so she didn't say anything because she was afraid that he might snap at her. "Aoi-chan i was taking a break for food and i was talking with our fan over here. She sure is lovely." Kai spoke giving her a wide smile making the fangirl inside her scream with joy.

"Waste your time with people after the live," Aoi said bluntly giving her a mocking look before dragging Kai after him who had an apologetic look on his face. Juusan stood there feeling like a teeny tiny object. His words hurt. She wasn't _people _. And even if she was, then why did he come in her apartment, why did he sit there and talked with her while here, he didn't even show any signs of recognising her. She didn't even manage to thank Kai for the autograph. She picked up the plastic snack bag and the plastic ashtrey and threw them in a bin that was between two vending machines. _'Such a lucky day,'_ she thought ironically.

"I should probably head back to the guys' dressing room. They should be over by now."

The halls were empty and the place was quiet so, as Juusan was approaching to An Cafe's dressing room she could hear Miku's voice, or maybe it was Teruki's. She couldn't tell. They were arguing about something. Approaching more to the door, she could tell that their voices had become a whisper probably afraid that their yelling would attract attention. They were still arguing but she couldn't understand any word they were saying. She touched the doorknob and that's when she heard her name. She bursted in looking each one with a suspicious look on her face. She could tell that they were caught off guard since Miku had his hands still in mid-air like he was arguing with Kanon who was glancing the other members nervously.

"Did i interrupt something?" she asked with a calm voice. She smiled at them as a sign it was ok for them to relax. Juusan couldn't directly ask them what they were talking about, even though she clearly heard her name being mentioned. Miku let his hands fall and went to sit at the couch with the other members. Kanon approached her smiling kindly but she could tell that he was rather nervous. "Wanna come over for dinner tonight? Me and the guys will cook," he said motioning towrads the others who all gave Juusan an innocent smile.

A ray of happiness washed away Juusan's suspiciousness who grinned and accepted immediately. She bowed. "I would be honored to accept your invitation Kanon-san," she smiled moderartely at Kanon who patted her head. "Teruki will come and pick you up from your apartment if that is ok with you." "No problem at all," she grinned.

The rest of her woking hours were spent by talking on the phone with her chief lady about her payment. Five days were left since the end of her one week contract but she didn't want to really leave. She might could never had the chance to see any of the guys again. The guys though were really acting weird after the photoshoot. They even avoided her questions about the photoshoot if it was successful or not. And to think about it, not even her chief-lady was acting normal over the phone.

What if the guys didn't mention the photoshoot becaue it was a total fail? What if the chief-lady arranged her payment today since it was only her second day working with the boys? Did that mean she failed at her own job? What if the dinner tonight was something like a polite termination of their cooperation?

"Shit, shit, shit, fuck," Juusan kept on cussing under her breath getting in her apartment. She dropped her bag down and placed her make up bag carefully behind her couch. She couldn't afford losing them since apparently she would have to search for another job opportunity out there. "Good luck my ass! And i don't even know what i did wrong. Apparently i fucked up with their make up, i knew it!" she said at her Gazette poster. She death glared it, like she was expecting for it to talk back at her. It didn't though. "Well what do you know, you're a poster!" she growled and jumped on her bed. "What am i doing with my life?" she whined and curled up.

After spending several minutes of crying inside her head, Juusan decided that she would go to for dinner and she would accept her dismissal like a man. She took a deep breath and got up from her bed. She didn't bother so much about her outfit. It was all about her make up, hair and the facial expressions she would make. She would go down **(non vulgar slang)** pretty and decently.

Getting out of the building, Juusan saw Teruki waving at her from across the street. He was always really cheerful, lke all the other boys from the band. She smiled and waved back at him. So far everything was good. Teruki didn't seem to be in any weird mood like firing her. He was friendly as usual when she reached him and got inside his car. As Teruki started the engine and looked behind him so he could leave the parking spot, Juusan caughed a glimpse of someone familiar as she turned her head to look out of the window.

Yuu was walking right across the street heading to a discreet yet luxurious looking car. He was dressed in all black making him rather hard to be seen. Juusan could recognise his figure though. He was walking proudly with small steps. Lights from signs and the passing by cars were illuminating his face that did not disclose any emotion at all. He was dressed neatly, not that this was something new since he always was well dressed, but it seemed like he was ready to go somewhere._ 'I would give anything to find out where he is going. I'm sure thought he has a date with a possible girlfriend,'_ she thought and pouted. Jealousy was such a bad and unreasonable thing. Especially feeling jealous for someone like Shiroyama Yuu.

The ride was awfully quiet. Juusan wasn't willing to talk because she was trying to fight back her insecurity of not being good enough at her job and Teruki didn't seem to mind the silence so thirty minutes passed slowly before arriving to their destination. "We're here!" Teruki purled turning off the engine. Juusan got out and waited for him since she didn't know where their place was. Teruki pointed at a huge building that looked lke a hotel. Crossing the road, Juusan saw a car that was the same with Aoi's. For a moment her heart skipped a beat because she thought that Aoi was somewhere around but then she remembered that billions of cars like this were designed. _'Stupid kid,'_ she thought as they entered the building.

Their apartment was on the thirteenth floor. The anticipation was killing her and couldn't stand still inside the elevator so she kept on tapping her foot on the floor. "You know, you should relax a bit. I can feel your tension since we got in the car. You make me nervous," Teruki mumbled. "Nervous about what?" Juusan asked raising one eyebrow. She was sure that even if something was going on, Teruki wouldn't say anything but she had to ask. As she expected, Teruki gave her a wide grin and as the doors from the elevator opened he stepped outside. _'Damn it!'_ she thought and followed him. Teruki rang the doorbell. Juusan got a few deep breaths as she felt that she was falling apart from the anxiety. Loud noises were coming from the inside of the apartment. "Someone open the door!" she heard Kanon yelling. Footsteps and chuckles were now heard close to the door.

As the door opened, the sweet aroma of pork and rice noodles was released and pierced her nostrils. "Welcome Juusan!" Kai yelled and hugged her bringing her in. "Oh my fucking god Kai!" Juusan yelled from surprise that he had appeared out of the blue. She hugged him back enjoying anyway the opportunity that was given to her. When Kai realeased her from his arms, Juusan's face was all red and a wide smile was spread all across her face._'Kai from the Gazette hugged me holy shit!'_ In fact she was so excited that a few tears were shed. "What are you doing here?" she asked squealing jumping up and down. Teruki and Taduya were laughing behind her. "Kanon is my friend so, he invited us over for dinner too." Juusan stopped jumping. "Us? what do you-" Juusan's question was answered right away when Aoi appeared from the room that was behind Kai. He had a slight smile forming on the corner of his lips. He took a puff of his cigarette. So that's where she saw him going.

"What's the reason you're crying this time?" he asked with a cold tone leaning on the wall.

_'Aoi-chan you're so cruel' _ fangirl Juusan whined. She always thought that Aoi was an affectionate man but apparently this was just an invalid assumption, not the reality. She shrugged off her fangirl feelings and whiped quickly her tears. "Why are you here?" she asked death glaring him. Aoi tapped slightly his stomach. "Dinner," he murmured and went back to the room where he came from. "Don't mind him, please." Kai said and with the other two guys all of them headed to the kitchen were Kanon was cooking with Miku.

"Hush everyone, i have something to announce!" Kanon said standing up. Everyone had finished with their dishes and were now discussing vividly about the music industry. Once Kanon stood up everyone stopped talking. Juusan who was relaxed and had forgoten all about her being fired now was siting on the floor frozen of what would follow. Kanon though seemed very cheerful...

"So, Juusan as you know today was the photoshoot. Even though it was not your job to undertake all of us, you handled it perfectly in a small amount of time given to you without notice." He took a breath, Juusan was still petrified but she could feel her cheeks burning since everyone was staring at her, especially Aoi. "After the photoshoot, the photographer and even the manager liked your work so we spoke to your chief lady and.." Kanon stopped again this time to dring some water. "God damn it Kanon say it already" Yu-ki moaned rolling his eyes. Juusan could feel her heart beating faster. Was it what she thought it was? Kanon death glared Yu-ki and cleared his throat. "So, as i was saying we spoke to your chief lady and we would like to ask you if of course you want, to sign a new contract and work with us for a whole year." The last two words rang in Juusan's head who was speechless. Before she could even think of anything to say, Kai stood up too. Both her and Aoi looked at him curious about what he was ready to say.

Kai smiled encouragingly at Juusan who was in the verge of tears, his dimples showing. Aoi was looking at him with curiosity and surprise. He didn't know what Kai was about to suggest. Kai was thinking that this night would be rather amusing. He was thinking it actually the whole day after he talked with Kanon about Juusan. He was sure that Aoi wasn't going to like it. "As the leader of the band, Juusan i would like to ask for your cooperation with our band too."

"What?" both Aoi and Juusan asked surprised. Aoi's voice was cold and he could not hide the surprise that was written all over his face. He didn't know why Kai did this and he certainly didn't feel ok with this suggestion. Still, his heart kind of jumped when he heard it. He didn't feel ok with this decision but he could swear that he felt a jolt of happiness for a moment. Did he want that little doll close to him? And if yes why? He stiffly turned to look at her who on the other hand, was now in tears. He could tell that they were tears of happiness.

Juusan had both of her hands covering her mouth to muffle the sobs. It was like she was dreaming but for some reason she was not sure if she could handle working for both of the bands even if she was working with the Gazette half the amount of time she was working with An Cafe. When she calmed down herself she wiped the tears and apologised to all of them. "If you may, i would like to take a moment to think about both of your offers." she spoke softly and shyly. Both Kai and Kanon nodded with understanding so, she excused herself going in the kitchen.

She sat on a wooden chair next to the worktop that was surprisingy clean, if someone could consider that some moments ago guys were preparing the food here. She wiped her face some more, hoping that her make up was still on. The night did not turn as she expected it to, not that she minded that turn of events. It was such a surprise though that she got two offers and one of them was from her favorite band that she didn't know how to handle it. Were her make up techniques that great? She assumed though that the most embarassing part happened already since she couldn't control her tears. The guys inside had started talking again cheerfully about different topics but she knew they were waiting patiently for her to give them a reply. "What am i supposed to do now," she wondered outloud burying her face in her hands.

"Accept." a smooth voice said. Juusan looked up and saw Aoi coming inside the kitchen holding some empty plates in his hands. Juusan raised her head and looked at him. "Do you want me working with your band?" she asked trying to sound as cold as she could standing up from the chair. Aoi shrugged and placed the dishes in the sink. "I don't care. Kai is the leader. If he thinks you're good then the rest of us trust him. The other guys will like you too i believe." he said sounding uninterested of this conversation. "You sound like you don't care about what's going on in your band," Juusan said locking eyes with him. Her words made him come close to her death glaring her. "The band is the most important thing in my life. I am the one who is arranging the band's recordings and practise. Because hard work is all that matters. This is what brought us here. Not slacking!" Their eyes were still locked. Her blue eyes were still teary. This made his glare to soften. She looked so harmless as he was standing there in front of her. He observed her. "Why are your eyes so red? Is it because you wear contacts? I've noticed it this morning too." he spoke softly still not leaving any space between their bodies. Juusan in her attempt to speak made some short of squeaky noise. She could barely breath. Snapping out of this situation would be such a good plan right now.

Then something magical happened. Juusan felt Aoi's hands wrapping around her somehow protectively burying her inside his arms, close to his chest. She gasped from the surprise. What the hell was that? She didn't know. Neither did Aoi know why he did this. He felt awkward being so close to Juusan and from her looks he could see that she was afraid. He thought that a hug could make the situation smoother but apparently he made it more awkward. People were rather intimidated by him. It was probably because he was putting hard work over everything else. He liked the current feeling though. The warmth of her cheek pressing against his bare cold chest. Juusan felt her knees growing weak. Her mind was all foggy since she could not comprehend the situation and she felt like she was ready to faint. She gripped Aoi's shirt tightly trying to support herself. She felt him hugging her even more. "Accept," he said again this time in a whisper. She closed her eyes.

She was definitely dreaming because things like that could not happen in her normal life.


	6. Chapter 6

_Am i supposed to open my eyes?_

_If i do, the blury image of him holding me will vanish._

_Why do i have to dream about him with every realistic detail_

_and then wake up to the same room, alone..._

_I never understood how my mind worked_

_and why it played such cheap tricks on me._

_I'm torturing myself with the idea of him being close to me._

_I don't want to open my eyes,_

_but i need to face reality_

_before i lose my mind._

__Juusan opened her eyes. She sighed softly and rubbed her eyes. How many days was she wearing her eye contacts? She curled her body and buried her face in her hands. She was dreaming about Aoi again. Why every dream with him felt so real? The images were still fresh. Aoi hugging her tightly, whispering something to her. Even though those dreams always ruined her mood, she didn't mind cause it was the only way of feeling close to him.

"I guess i'm never gonna learn." She stretched her body and got up. She approached the drawers bellow her mirror while taking off her contacts. She placed them back in the soaking storage case. Searching with her hands for her glasses, Juusan touched a box with the tips of her fingers. Since she was short-sighted big time, Juusan couldn't tell what that was exactly so, she didn't bother examining it. It was probably something she found somewhere, because collecting random objects and then forgetting about their existence was her thing. "Found them," she murmured to herself.

Cleaning her glasses on her tank top, she wondered when she went to sleep last night. She couldn't remember anything. She shrugged it off quickly though. She probably drank a whole bottle of wine or something. Putting her glasses on, she pushed lightly the bathroom door.

A fairly high slender boy was peeing in her toilet. Juusan stood there watching him. Since she was still sleepy she could not figure out what exactly see was staring at in that moment. Kai felt as someone was watching him. It was probably just his imagination but, he still turned on his left to check.

Everything happened so fast...

Juusan let the most weird sound slip from her mouth as she fully woke up when she saw Kai turning to look at her while doing his business. It was something between a laugh and a scream. "Oh shit!" He screamed too from the surprise that she was there staring at him and tried quickly to put his _thing_ back inside his pants as Juusan closed the door running inside her room getting under her blanket. She was so embarrassed and confused. What was he doing here either way? She heard footsteps coming in her room. They were too heavy for a slender person. Unless that person was mad.

_'Here we go'_

Kai pulled the blanket away from Juusan. "What was that?" he hissed, his cheeks were bright red. Juusan stood up and raided her eyebrows innocently. She knew that what she did was not cool but it could not be helped. She was acting like a child everytime she looked at males' genitals and everything that looked like them. "What was what?" she asked not looking at him. "You fucking giggle-screamed when you saw my manhood!" he hissed again, this time his whole face turning red.

_'Manhood...is this how they call it?' _ Juusan suppressed her laughter and took a deep breath. Kai couldn't blame her about anything, even though she felt bad about having that kind of reaction. "Why are you here Kai?" Kai changed his expression into a calmer one. He sat next to her on the bed and flicked her forehead with his finger. "You fainted yesterday at the guys' place."

"You mean it was not a dream?"

Kai laughed. "Of course it wasn't silly." he said getting up from the bed. He went to the drawers and grabbed the box that Juusan had touched accidentally when she was searching for her glasses. Inside it were several daifuku. "I told you that they would bring great luck," he smiled leaving the box next to Juusan and taking one himself. "So, i got two job offers?" Juusan asked still surprised that this whole thing was not a dream. "Yup, and you accepted, as Aoi said," Kai replied munching his daifuku.

"Aoi-kun?" The picture of him hugging her came back in her mind, feeling the chills on her spine. She could not recall accepting the offers though. Kai noticed her expression. The same expression he noticed on Aoi the previous day while he was holding her fainted as she was, in his arms. Yes, he saw the whole thing when he went inside the kitchen to ask Juusan if she had make a decision. He managed not to be seen though and witnessed the whole thing between Aoi and Juusan. In fact, during the night he didn't sleep at all. He kept on thinking that Juusan would be a great opportunity to make Aoi a warm person again. She seemed like a lovely girl despite the fact that she was a fan and as he observed Aoi yesterday, he saw that there was definitely a spark in him. It would be hard for him though to make Aoi develop and finaly externalize his feelings towards Juusan but he had to try. The only thing Kai had to do was to interfere a little bit. It was all for his friend's happiness after all.

"He brought us here yesterday. He was supposed to stay here with you but he said he didn't feel well so, tadaa!" Kai said pointing to himself. "And i brought you those for good luck again since in one and half hours we have a meeting. Kanon and the others gave you two days off because they need to make the contract." Juusan grabbed a daifuku and ate it right away. "So all of you guys will be there?" she asked while munching the daifuku viciously. "Why, are you nervous?" Kai asked bluntly. Juusan changed her expression into a confident one, ready to tell him that there was no reason for her to be nervous. Looking Kai though, who was staring right back at her with his eyebrows raised, she simply sighed and pouted. "Of course i'm nervous. There isn't an everyday chance to meet you guys. I've waited for this opportunity since i was 14." Kai smiled and ruffled her hair. "Consider yourself lucky then," Kai said jokingly winking at her. Juusan laughed. "What are you laughing about?" Kai asked her as he got up from the bed. "About being lucky. I mean i bet i'm the only fan who has ever get to see 's-". "Don't you dare mentioning it again!" Kai squealed as he grabbed her pillow and hit her with it.

"You are a nice person. Everyone will like you. Stop being nervous, you are Juu-chan." Kai smiled in a heartwarming way and Juusan smiled right back. It was nice being called Juu. It made her feel better. ((author's note Juu means one as in 'number one/first place, while Juusan means thirteen)) Especially the name honorific Kai used. That meant he actually liked her. She kept on grinning as she was following him to where they were going.

Indeed, Kai had actually liked Juusan. He liked people who didn't hide their true self. She sure seemed like a grown female but her inner child was there popping out once in a while. He smiled as the picture of them pillow fighting a moment ago came in his mind. She was a more approachable person when she was relaxed. That was all Kai had to do; make Juusan relax with the guys and bring out her true self. She should learn how to feel comfortable around people and how to live in their world. The band's world.

_'Five minutes late. Aoi will kill me.'_ Kai's fast pace made it hard for Juusan to keep up with him. She was smoking while walking and she was now breathing heavily next to him since he stopped to wait for her. "You sure are out of shape," he said chuckling. "Don't look down on me, I'm perfectly fine," Juusan said and threw the cigarette away after inhaling the last puff. They started walking again, only this time it was with a slow pace. "Kai can you please ask them to sign my poster?" Juusan asked shyly clenching her bag. "Ah, so that's the reason you took the poster from your bedroom with you. For a moment i thought you always carry it wherever you go." Juusan blushed and pinched his arm. "You're so not funny Kai," Kai ignored her pinching and he laughed wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Yes, i am funny. Don't act like you don't enjoy it." Juusan laughed too. Kai looked the bright sky for a moment. It was early October and clouds were covering the morning sun. The weather though was not cold. "So, are you going to help me?" Juusan said and smiled widely at him. Kai smiled back. Aoi would fall for that smile. They would both be happy. "Of course i will help you Juu." He glanced the sky once more as a light breeze hit his face.

_'I will help you both'..._


	7. Chapter 7

"We're here, sorry for being late!" Kai said pushing Juusan in front of him to enter the room. Her feet were rooted in the ground. Even though while walking up the stairs Kai appeased her that the guys were really friendly, when he opened the dressing room's door, she refused to move from where she was standing.

Ruki was playing some melody on the guitar sitting in one corner of the couch. The ashtray in front of him was holding his cigarette that was burning slowly. On the other corner, Uruha was talking on the phone with someone, a bottle of sake was in front of him. He really enjoyed sake. Reita was in front of the huge mirrors adjusting his noseband. They were dressed casual and had no make up on. Only Kai had put some eyeliner because he refused to leave Juusan's house with a natural look. The guys were looking at her now. Juusan pushed with her index finger the glasses back on her nose. She had suddenly started sweating.

They were in front of her. The magnificent Gazette. Even being casually dressed and looking more approachable, Juusan still could not get over the fact that she was dealing with rock stars. She couldn't look even Kai all of the sudden. Introducing herself was needed though. She was well-mannered and should be introduced with the japanese way with which she was tought. "H-hello, i am Juusan. Please be kind to me." **((*Konichiwa watashi wa Juusan desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.))** She took a small bow. Kai, now stood beside her. Uruha and Reita waved at her since they were rather busy. The noseband for Reita was really important since as he had once said in an interview, that from the very start he liked to cover his face. It was a part of him.

Ruki left the guitar on the couch and approached her. He was wearing a hat that was now shadowing his eyes. He had seen that girl before. "Juusan, welcome," Ruki said sticking out his hand. Was she supposed to shake Ruki's hand? What if her hand was sweaty? How should she shake his hand? With a tight grip to show that she was confident -even if she wasn't-? Or with a loose grip so as to not scare him?_ 'Oh for fuck's sake just do it woman!'_ her brain yelled. She shook his hand with a slight smile on her lips. His hand was so warm against her own that was rather cold. Her grip was neither tight nor loose.

_So far so good..._

"Twenty minutes late, Kai!" A harsh voice said. Only one member stood in the corner, with his arms crossed. His black outfit was one with the shadows making him hard to be noticed. Aoi also, was not wearing any make up and his stare was sharp. His silky hair falling on his shoulders, perfectly straightened. He almost looked like a Yakooza member. His eyes avoided meeting with Ruki's, who got closer to Juusan in a protective way. Ruki knew that Aoi could be dead serious about work and he could not tolerate inconsistency from any member, especially when a live was approaching.

Juusan stepped forward. "My fault. I apologise for getting Kai-san delayed." It was her fault, wasn't it? She actually took plenty of time to choose what to wear because she wanted to impress the band. Her cute dress though, didn't seem to touch Aoi's soft side, who once she stepped forward looked at her with a scowl on his face. She wasn't looking at him though, her eyes were fixed on the floor. Was he that intimidating? He couldn't help but question himself this, after everytime he had an encounter with her. He took a deep breath. "Do not let it happen again." She agreed._ 'Aoi-san hates me.'_ she thought. Her self-esteem had just flewn out of the window. "Wait a second!" She felt Kai passing by her. She couldn't look at him. She was so embarrassed.

"It's not her fault," she heard Kai saying to Aoi in a lowered voice. "Come," Ruki said, motioning for her to come and sit on the couch. She followed him and sat next to him after taking the guitar away to make some space. She wasn't going to cry there in front of them. "Sorry about Aoi. We are all a little bit nervous since we have a live coming." Juusan nodded. "So, tell me," he whispered leaning closer to her, "i know i have seen you somewhere before, but where?" Juusan looked at him apologeticaly. "I'm the girl that you saw crying during the massive interviews day." she sighed. "Did he make you cry?" Ruki asked her concerned. As he could remember, Aoi was in a weird mood that day. He wouldn't be surprised if he had caused any troubles.

"No, no. I just had the typical reaction that i believe every fan would had. It's not like i have an encounter with my idols everyday. I want to apologise for any possible concerns i might have caused, though. I should try to control my emotions," Juusan said searching for her cigargettes inside her bag. "Don't apologise," Ruki hurried up to offer her a cigarette. "Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary." he added as Juusan lit the cigarette. He lit one himself as he laid back to the couch. He could hear Kai whispering viciously to Aoi. "Also, there are some, who have pushed aside some emotions because they believe they would take over their mind and keep them away from their job," he glanced at Aoi, who was focused on Kai. Then, Ruki looked at Juusan who was silent the whole time. She was looking at his fellow guitarist. He coughed to draw her attention again. As soon as Juusan took her eyes from the slender dark figure in the corner, he, with his turn looked at her.

_He noticed her..._

..."It's not everything about work, Aoi. And most importantly stop getting agitated so easily! You don't like people who get angry easily but, you are one yourself!" Kai hissed. The young leader expected for Aoi to argue with him but he didn't even bother to reply. The oldest member of the band was looking at the dolly girl who was talking with Ruki. From the way she was smiling , he could tell that she was still feeling uneasy and nervous. Was it his fault?

_"_You know, Juusan is really fond of you." Kai said leaning now next to him on the wall, looking with his turn Juusan. Aoi looked at him and raised his eyebrows smirking slightly. "Of course she is. Girls always like the dude with the guitar. Even though i bet that she is fond of all of us because she is a fan," Aoi said stressing the last word. Kai smiled because he already knew that this would be Aoi's answer.

"What brought you here?" they both heard Ruki asking Juusan.

"Oi, we want to hear the story too!" Reita said in unision with Uruha, who put his phone away.

"They always like the dude with the guitar you say, huh?" Kai smirked. Aoi looked strangely at him. What was the point of this conversation? "I can prove you wrong, you know." Kai said again, this time with a sly tone in his voice. "What do you mean?" Aoi asked him quietly. He had a bad feeling for some reason. Yet, he could not understand what was Kai talking about. "Juusan seems like a lovely girl and i would really like to date her," he smiled innocently at Aoi who was in shock by Kai's blunt statement. He was feeling weird because something deep inside him wanted to punch Kai for saying something like that. On the other hand, he didn't know why. He wasn't supposed to feel negative emotions about something he didn't even care about. He shrugged it off. His mind was probably tired from the allnighter he pulled yesterday trying to figure out why he hugged that girl, who was now sitting there, discussing with his bandmates. She had already caused him so many problems considering that he couldn't focus to his job as much as he did before he met her. It would be better if he didn't bother with her anymore.

"Date her," Aoi said emotionless. Kai got surprised but he didn't show it. _'Damn him and his stubborness!' _he thought. Of course he wasn't planning on dating Juusan but he thought that this statement would trigger Aoi to do something. He was wrong though. Things were going to be more difficult. "Alright then," he faked a smile at Aoi who was still sceptical and winked at him as he joined the group of the smiling people that had no idea that this conversation ever took place.

Aoi kicked the wall. He had been in the parking lot for quite a long time. He couldn't sit in the room watching Kai being close to her. Even though Juusan didn't seem to notice that he was flirting with her, he was sure that she would get excited being hit on by the drummer of The Gazette. Every fangirl would want each one of them. Juusan wouldn't be any different. Everyone wants to be in the spotlight. He sighed. _'Probably they are done discussing business issues and Juusan is all over Kai now'. _He kicked the wall again. Why the hell was he mad? He felt so confused. "Kuso!" (*shit!) he growled.

"Excuse me, Aoi-san," he heard a scared voice behind him. Aoi took a deep breath to calm himself. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked her. Juusan didn't reply. He turned to look at her. His face was now calm, he wouldn't let his face betray his current feelings. She was hesitant to speak to him. He could tell. She was probably there long enough. "Ruki-san sent me to tell you that he needs to discuss some issues with you, Aoi-san." He nodded and turned around to leave.

"I'm sorry for today's trouble. I know from interviews i have read, that Aoi-san is taking his job very seriously. I should have known better not to agitate him. Also, thank you for yesterday," she said rather quickly in a murmur, stumbling on her every word. Aoi smiled as he had his back turned. _'She sure is cute. She doesn't even remember that i hugged her.' _As he took a step further away from her, he stopped again for some reason. Apart from being serious with his job, he was also very competitive. Even with his own bandmates. He could prove to Kai that Juusan was no different from any other fan. She wanted to be in the spotlight. It would be amusing. He turned and looked at her. She was still standing there, her eyes gleaming despite the dim lights of the underground parking lot. He approached her and placed his hand on her head. She was about the same height as Ruki. He didn't know what kind of expression there was on his face. Many thoughts prowled in his mind. Juusan was looking at him hypnotised, her cheeks were burning. What was that? He opened his mouth and let one of his thoughts slip. The most neutral, harmless one. "Do you need a ride after that, chibi-chan?" he asked her. Juusan blinked several times trying to comprehend Aoi's suggestion. She could not understand whether he was joking or not. She finally nodded slightly, in fear that with her head's movement, Aoi's hand would slide from the place it was. Aoi didn't expect a different answer. He let his hand fall on his side and then walked away without saying anything.

Everything was real. Juusan sat there alone in the parking lot playing with her mind the seconds that Aoi was in front of her with his hand on her head. It was an intimate moment, at least for her. Her heart was pounding like crazy. She smoked a cigarette..

_Two cigarettes..._

_Three cigarettes..._

'_He left. He was joking about taking me home.'_

_Four cigarettes..._

_'So cold... You are so stupid Juusan. He left.'_

_Five cigarettes..._

"You're still here! Ruki really kept me too long. Sorry." She heard Aoi's voice. She got up and smiled. She was happy that he didn't leave her. Putting her pack of cigarettes inside her bag, she followed him through several parking spots. He was silent. "Did the guys like me?" she asked confidentaly. "Yup," he said not looking at her, still walking forward. She grinned to herself and cheered inside her for her good luck. They stopped in front of a black motorcycle. She immediately remembered that Aoi liked motorcycles. Standing there she admired the whole picture of Aoi standing next to his motorcycle, zipping his black jacket. He got up and looked at her waiting to snap out of what she was thinking. '_She sure enjoys what she sees.'_

Juusan snapped back to reality and got on clumsily gripping his jacket. He started the engine and went out to the open road. It was now afternoon. The weather was much colder than it was in the noon and the freezing air was hitting Juusan face making her eyes teary. She placed her head on Aoi's back preventing the air from watering more her eyes. Aoi enjoyed the feeling of having someone pressed on his back. He could feel her hands on his sides. Damn, the weather was cold. She was dressed more lightly than he was._ 'She must be freezing'_

Juusan on the other hand, didn't mind the cold at all. The idea Aoi taking her home was enough to warm her. She was grinning like a silly little kid. They arrived in no time in front of Juusan's building. She got off the motorcycle with the same way she got on and that made Aoi chuckle a bit. She smiled shyly at him while inside her head she was cursing the fact of being so clumpsy. "Thank you for the ride and thank you again for wanting to cooperate with me," she said and she walked away, heading towards her building's door. She was embarrassed enough already, she couldn't wait to get inside her apartment, where she felt safe. Aoi didn't bother replying to her. He simply started the engine again as soon as she entered her building. He couldn't wait to get to his place to drink some sake and compose some songs. He had to get his mind off of things. This girl after all would might be a lost cause. He still wasn't sure whether to play the nice guy to compete with Kai or to continue with the way he was.

He sighed as he drove off some blocks away to the safety and tranquility of his own apartment...


	8. Chapter 8

_So much pain_

_Unreasonable pain.._

She could feel the eyeliner drying on her cheeks, She wasn't crying anymore. Her cigarettes were scattered all over the floor around her. The result of her trembling hands trying to take a cigarette out of the pack. Sitting on the floor, she chose one of the cigarettes that were close to her bare feet. She lit it and took a drag, recalling scenes from teen-drama movies where the protagonist was sitting heartbroken on the floor, abandoned by her hopes and dreams.

_Heartbreak_

_'Why?'_ she questioned sulking. It was not normal to feel heartbroken, since there where no feelings in the first place. _'Why, though?' _She didn't do anything wrong, did she?

"Our manager never knows where i am," said Kai to Juusan. He was moving energetically through the halls, arranging things with the staff. Juusan was following, pacing fast right next to him, discussing the alternatives on looks and make up they would use during the live. Even though that was a matter that needed to be discussed with Ruki, Kai was the first that had to hear about her ideas. She had asked permission from Kanon to take some days off, after presenting her new ideas to the band and signing the new contract with them. Everyone was happy and Kanon gladly gave her the week off. Miku had also informed her that Sahana was feeling better and she would be able to handle everything for a week.

"Only five days left," Kai said flattly to her. He had a scowl on his face the whole day while Juusan was beaming with excitement getting to see the settings from up close and personal. One of the stuff members was adjusting the cymbal stands while Kai was trying out the bass drum pedal and the rack mounted Toms, hitting his drumsticks rythmically on them. "Kai-san is surprisingly often scowling," Juusan said as soon as the staff member walked away. Kai did a drumstick trick and then turned to look at her smiling slightly. On the huge stage every single light effect was on and somewhere in the front seats, she could hear Ruki's voice. He was speaking with the head of the lightning effects.

"I was told before, that from a fan's viewpoint, they see my smiling face quite a lot. Well, they have the image of a "smile", if you know what i mean," Kai said to Juusan getting up. "But adversely from the people behind the scenes, like you now, I'm told i have an image of a scowl." He chuckled making Juusan look away embarassed. Kai saw Aoi speaking with Ruki. White lights blinded them but he saw Juusan looking towards Aoi too. They were both on the stage, Aoi easily spotted them. The lights from white turned into a green color, like laser beams, giving a futuristic look on the whole stage. Aoi could see Kai and he could see Juusan.

He hadn't seen her since he drove her home, even though he was thinking of dropping by to say hi sometime. _'Such childish thoughts Shiroyama, you ass! This girl have kept you from practicing.'_

"Why am i under the impression that Kai is flirting with poor Juusan?" Ruki asked pointing on the stage. Aoi followed the imaginary line that his singer's finger created and indeed, Kai seemed like he was seducing Juusan. No, he was actually touching her, he was close to her. Why all of sudden he felt possessive over her? He could see Juusan slowly backing off but she was grinning like a silly girl. Ruki had turned back talking with the head of the lighting effects. He had to do something because somehow, what he was seeing was annoying him extremely bad.

"So, do you like me smiling or scowling?" Kai asked flirtariously pinching one of her cheeks. Juusan was giggling, backing slowly off. She knew that Kai was lovely but in a creepy way. She could tell that he was doing all that in a playful manner so, she couldn't help but laugh. She was focused on him now, Kai managed to get her attention. Juusan tripped on some wires, losing her composure for a bit but she didn't break eye contact with Kai and neither did he, who was now laughing rather loudly. His dimple was more visible than ever. "Kai-san, stop!" Juusan giggled. "I can't Juusan-chan is funny!" Kai chuckled as he kept on covering the space she was creating by backing off. Juusan clenched in one hand the face charts she would present to Ruki and with the other she tried to push Kai away. He kept on moving forward though. "Your hand is cold," Kai winced as he shivered with the cold contact of her hand. Juusan giggled some more. "Kai-san, i'm sorry, please stop moving and i will take my hand away!" How many steps back had she made? The drumset was now further away from where they were. In what part of the stage were they?

"Oi!" They both heard an agitated Aoi yell.

Juusan literally lost the ground under her feet. She and Kai had reached the end of the stage without noticing and she tripped on one of the front ground speakers. Kai tried to grab her hand, terrified yelling her name. He didn't manage to, though. Juusan screamed as she fell, ready to experience the psysical pain of landing on her back. Yet, she never touched the ground. She had her eyes tightly closed. She could hear the sound of her face charts flying around her. Her face was pressed on something warm, like a fabric. It was definitely not the floor. It smelled nice and Juusan breathed in the sweet perfume. "Are you ok?" Aoi asked her concerned. "Oi, is she ok?" she heard Kai asking. "Back off, you almost killed her!" Aoi growled. She was in Aoi's arms, motionless.

Aoi was watching the whole scene approaching slowly closer to the stage, while she was backing off. As he watched her reaching to the end of the stage he yelled in order to alarm her but he was too late. Yet, he managed to catch her when she fell. Not that the stage was really high, but she could possibly get hurt from the fall. After all, she could break really easily. He held her tightly in his arms, scared. Was she alright? Kai was now next to Aoi. When Ruki heard her screaming, he ran towards the stage too. The three of them looking at her concerned. Juusan slowly opened her eyes, half way. "Am i in heaven?" she murmured still sniffing the warm fabric. Aoi realised what she was doing and in the corner of his lips a small smile formed, his concern slowly fading out. She was so sweet. Kai and Ruki chuckled and both snapped their fingers in front of her eyes to wake her brain up. She snapped her eyes wide open and looked Kai, Ruki and Aoi looking at her with an amused expression. "And yes, she is perfect!" Kai said, his voice still shaking. He was rather upset since it was his games that almost hurt her. She placed her hand on her face trying to cover the redness of her cheeks. "Can you please put me down, Aoi-san?" she murmured shyly, wiggling her body. Aoi didn't reply. He didn't feel like letting her down. She was warm and precious and shaking, mabe from the shock?

_'What are you even thinking about?' _

"Kai pick up the papers and discuss with Ruki which look you prefer. You better be done with it as soon as i return from the dressing room." Aoi demanded death glaring Kai. Juusan wraped carefully her arms around Aoi's neck. She didn't have anywhere else to hold on to and since Aoi didn't seem like letting her down, well, she could not complain. Kai waved at Juusan who was looking at everyone speechless. The incident had caused many of the people being on the huge dome to look at the party. Kai was still worried but at least Aoi would take care of her. That was a little something. "I will see you in a little Juusan-chan. I'm sorry!" Kai spoke, his hand still on the air as if he was trying to reach her. "No you won't. We have work to do!" Aoi said before Juusan could even open her mouth. No one spoke. "Let's get back to work." She heard Ruki murmur with Kai. It seemed like they weren't so willing to work after this incident.

"Are you hurt?" Aoi asked as he was now on the halls that she and Kai were roaming searching for the staff members. His pace was fast. It wasn't because she was heavy and wanted to put her down immdiately. She was light as a feather. He just had to let her off his arms because he didn't want her to get the wrong idea. She was still breathing in his perfume. He rolled his eyes even though he was enjoying it. No one could resist him. "You can put me down now if you want to," was her reply. And so he did. He put her gently down, opening the door that was in front of them. "Your bag and other stuff is in here too. Wait for us till we're done." Aoi said entering the room to take his pack of cigarettes from the table. "Thank you for catching me," "No problem," Aoi hurried to reply. She sat on the couch and started searching her bag for her own cigarettes. She really felt uneasy being with Aoi alone again. Aoi offered to lit her cigarette. He didn't sit on the couch though, he simply stood there examining her. She couldn't understnd what he was thinking, she just patiently waited for any word to come out of his mouth. He placed his hand on her head, like that day in the parking lot. Her heart was beating faster. She wanted to actually kiss his hand. _'Fuck, what am i even thinking?' _She lifted her head looking at him. God, how much she begged inside her head for him to make a move on her. But still, having him before her just looking at her with those eyes, was simply enough for her. She could almost feel the warmh of the feelings he was causing all this time, growing inside her.

Aoi tapped his fingers on her hand like he was thinking of what to do with her. She was looking at him like a submissive puppy. He was supposed to scold her for causing trouble but he really felt the need to kiss those lips of hers that had the taste of nicotine on them. The same taste as his. Aoi saw her expression changing multiple times. He saw her blushing, then taking the look of a submissive puppy again, then wandering with her eyes around the room like his stare was making her feel uncomfortable. If she wanted to, she could shake off his hand from her head yet, she let him tap his fingers on it. He lowered his hand brushing her cheek. His thumb landed on her bottom lip and its weight caused Juusan's pale lips to open slightly. His eyes had become foggy. Aoi brushed his thumb along her bottom lip fully concentrated on it.

"A- Aoi-san..." Juusan breathed. His touch brought shivers down her spine. He was ready to kiss her, wasn't he?

Aoi looked inside her eyes, his thumb was resting on her lips. Her blue eyes concealed emotions that were nowhere near those he witnessed everytime he had to deal with a fan. She was different wasn't she? He certainly felt a minor attraction towards her those last days. She had caught his attention from the first time, after all. Maybe it was their blood's compatibility fault. **(*In the Japanese culture blood types are treated as important and so is blood compatibility. Aoi's blood type is A and so is Juusan's) **Why was she looking at him with this kind of expression though? Juusan seemed like she had surrendered by his simple move of stroking her soft pale lips. Why did she react in this way? She looked really relaxed around Kai earlier.

_You know, Juusan is really fond of you..._

Kai's voice that emerged from the back of his foggy mind, like a slap, brought him to his senses again. What kind of crap was he even thinking? He pulled his hand back. A relationship with this girl by any case would be a bad idea since his career would be at stake. Work always came first, thus he would not change his priorities. He could see the look of confusion taking over Juusan's facial expressions. "Please stay here until we need you. Apparently your presence distracts Kai-san and the rest. We have work to do," he said firmly, not looking at her anymore. He left the dressing room without saying another word.

Poor Juusan just stood there. Confused and disappointed that Aoi did not act as she expected him to. She was really causing problems at the set. He was right. She had to stay there. She laid on the couch, ignoring the lit cigarette that was on the floor. It slipped from her fingers while Aoi was staring at her. She lit a new one and taking deep puffs, she tried to drown the squeals of excitement that were emerging from her insides. Giggling she touched her lips.

_'I hope you like me Shiroyama Senpai...'_

"Aoi was really harsh with us!" Uruha whined sitting in front of the mirror. Everyone was back in the dressing room apart from Aoi. Uruha told Juusan that Aoi banned them from coming to see her until they were finished with the instrument settings. "Yes, he even tried to tackle me, when he noticed i was moving towards the door!" Reita said nodding with what Uruha had just said.

"I believe the leader over here has the most painful experience with Aoi," Ruki said looking at Kai, who since they got in the room he sat next to Juusan and rested his head on her lap. She was stroking his hair calmly, while Ruki was explaining to her that Aoi scolded Kai for behaving with such immature way and for putting her in danger.

Kai was occasionally groaning displeased when Juusan was stopping the petting of his head as a result of focusing on what Ruki was saying. Her hand's movements were soothing and he didn't want her to stop. As soon as he walked in the room, he wanted to apologise to her. He didn't though because she told him it was alright. She told him that with the cheerful expression she had on her face and her beaming eyes as soon as she welcomed them inside the dressing room, that she had cleaned, while waiting for them.

He was wondering if something happened between Aoi and Juu while they were alone but to his great disappointment, nothing happened. Or at least nothing good happened because Aoi was much more agitated than usual after returning from the dressing room. All of them got scolded, except for Ruki of course, who was taking his time looking at the face charts. The rant was about paying attention to their job only and that they had to focus in this one live. It was their current goal to do their best. The scolding didn't end there, though. Aoi dragged Kai in a corner far away from the others and started complaining about not acting like a leader of this band. Kai was listening to him, yes but, he could notice that his cheeks were flushed. He spoke about Juusan being a flirt and a walking disaster. Kai wondered why he spoke with such bad words against her. Unless...

"Aren't you the one being distracted by her, Aoi-kun?" Kai calmly asked as he watched Aoi's expression change. He never got a reply. Aoi turned his back and walked away from him. "Touche," Kai murmured smirking.

Aoi returned in his apartment as soon as he left from the dome. Trying to keep everyone away from Juusan had gotten him really drained. Or was it him that he tried mostly to control? He sighed as he threw his coat on one of the couches. He placed his guitar gently in one corner of the room and went inside the kitchen to fetch the sake bottle. He was determined to relax himself by drinking and composing some songs.

He got himself comfortable and poured a generous amount of sake in his glass. He grabbed his acoustic guitar that was next to him after he took a little sip. His hand stroke the guitar chords gendly. He played a random soft tune trying to find of something that would inspire him. His mind was wandering. He was thinking of her again. Without realising he kept on playing the same tune for what it seemed like half an hour.

'_This is no good,' _ he thought as he left his guitar beside him. He emptied his glass with one single shot and he procceeded to the bottle. Kai was probably right, he was the one getting distructed by Juusan and that's why he was mad about it. He lay back and closed his eyes. Why did she have to be fond of him? Some days ago he was thinking that she was a typical fan but some hours ago, the idea of this not being entirely true had been stuck in his head. Maybe he should give it a chance considering that he wouldn't find again a fan that had actual feelings.

_No_

He was a musician. He could have anyone he wanted to. But he shouldn't bother with petty things. His band was close in being pro. Any factors that didn't have to do with _their _success was not needed. He wouldn't throw himself in the lions of a relationship.

He felt so lonely though...

He looked at the empty bottle of sake on the coffee table. He needed a drinking buddy. He got up from the couch and left his apartment without taking his jacket. The cool breeze made his long hair move in the same motion of the invisible air waves as he stood still in front of his building. He lit a cigarette and raised his head tying to spot Juusan's window. Fifth floor wasn't it? The lights were on meaning she was home. It was past eight o'clock after all. She should be home.

Maybe she was alone.

Maybe she needed company too.

_'Why do i care if she needs company or not?'_ Aoi wondered. He didn't like his soft side. 'I_ have to fight back these emotions.' _He threw away his unfinished cigarette. His motorbike keys jingled inside his baggy jeans pocket.

"Hostess club here i come," he hummed.

"Fifteen minutes everyone!" The stage manager shouted. Juusan wished everyone good luck as she gave a last glance to what she had created on those five beautiful faces. Everyone at the backstage were running like crazy. She hid her staff ID beneath her one piece dress and started running through a hall that was leading to the audience seats. The ruffles of her dress going up and down making her thighs be more visible than usual. She did not mind though, because she was alone in the hall. Her appearance that night made her feel really confident.

"Juusan is dressed so cute today," she remembered Kai saying when he saw her. Everyone had agreed. Only Aoi was not talking and was distant. He never talked to her while she was doing his make up and his eyes never met hers. She didn't mind it though. To be honest no one of the guys were speaking much. Uruha was doing sit ups, Reita was helping him and Kai was discussing with Ruki the order of the setlist.

She did her best with their make up. Her hand only trembled once while drawing the black lines on Ruki's neck. She was able to see his beauty mark. _'So lucky!'_ Reita on the other hand had demanded to apply the make up base on his own since he didn't want Juusan to see his nose. "I don't plan on showing my nose to anyone," Reita said with his back turned on everyone. "At least you are lucky that i've stopped covering most of my face." "Sure, thank you for not dressing like a mummy anymore," Ruki said ironically. Everyone laughed.

_'So that's what is like to be a member of something. I couldn't be any happier.' _Juusan smiled to herself as she put her bag aside.

She made it to the front row. The crowd was so loud. She could tell from all the screaming that a high percentage of the crowd was girls. The music started playing. The stage was dark as Hakuri was playing faintly. Juusan breathed in as she closed her eyes. It was like she was trying to capture the aroma of the excitement emitting from every person's aura around her. She was there, finally. After all those years, she would be able to enjoy a live perfomance of The Gazette. The cheers became louder as one by one the members were coming out of the backstage provoking the crowd to cheer louder. Juusan became one with the crowd. She let out the loudest screams which were held inside her for so long. She was going to have one hell of a time..

"I want to, thank you all for joining us here tonight. This is the best gift you can ever give us. You were really loud tonight!" Ruki spoke from the microphone taking deep breaths inbetween of his sentences. "We've got one last song for you tonight!" Ruki said grinning towards the has been waiting for this song the whole time. It was a part of every encore.

"Are you ready?" Ruki screamed.

"Yes!" Everyone yelled as they raised their hands in the air.

"Are you ready?" Ruki screamed again raising his fist in the air provoking the crowd.

"Yes!" Juusan yelled among the other girls who were in the front row.

"This song is called... LINDA!"

Juusan ran back to the dressing room. After the perfomance was over, she went to the stand that was selling merchandise goods from the band. She bought a t-shirt and a poster. She was heading back to the room not only to fetch her make up bag but to humbly ask from the guys to sign her new poster. Outside the hall was full of flower bouquets and alcohol boxes all coming from the fans. She stopped running and her pace became gradually slower. The idea of talking to Aoi crossed her mind. '_Alright, maybe not talking to him but at least approach him, somehow. I can feel it that he likes me a little bit.' _She thought confidentaly as she recalled the day she thought he was going to kiss her.

The guys returned back to their dressing room. The crowd was still cheering for them. They high fived each other discussing vividly. "Ha ha ha, ain't it easy being a pro?" Uruha stated wiping his face with a cloth. Each one of them found a place to sit and rest for a while. Ruki lit a cigarette and threw the lighter to Aoi who lit one himself as well. This last days were rather strange for Aoi. He kept on going in hostess clubs. For him alcohol and the company of unknown women in those clubs had become a release. He didn't think of Juusan even once when he was with those women whom work was only to provide entertainment with no emotional attachment whatsoever. And he was going to keep on doing that. The manager walked in stating that there were two girls outside. They were the ones who had won the backstage pass.

"Ah, i saw them earlier, they are not fine and dandy at all," Uruha said rolling his eyes. "What are you even mummbling about?" Aoi asked him as he exhaled the smoke. "Bring them to me," he said smirking slightly. The four men looked at Aoi strangely trying to recall any previous behavour like that. The manager opened the door to the girls who walked inside squealing like crazy and left the boys alone with them.

"Good God," Reita whispered and immediately re-placed himself behind Uruha, who also had gotten irritated. The girls ignored everyone and ran straight to Aoi. He was smirking more than ever. Girls prefered men who were guitarists. He opened his arms motioning for the two girls to sit next to him. The girls were more than willing to do so. They sat next to him, one under each arm. They rested their head on his shouldiers.

That was it...no Juusan. Just him and some ladies willing to do anything. No submissive puppy dog eyes, only those two pair of eyes full of impure feelings. "You shouldn't be doing that right now, Aoi-san." he heard Kai whispering behind him. "Let me have fun." He said bluntly without turning to look at him. Not that it was easy to move, those girls' grip was rather tight. Suffocating...

"The live was awesome you guys! Congratulations!" Juusan shouted cheerfully as she jumped inside the room. She was grinning until she saw everyone looking at her. Ruki,Uruha and Reita were surprised. Kai got upset because he knew something like this would happen. Aoi was staring at her with no expression on his face. It was like he didn't recognise her. The girls under his arms gave her a mere glance and returned to their main occupation that was Aoi. Her wide cheerful grin turned into a sad smile. The eyes that were looking back at her was not Aoi's. She had to act normal.

_'It hurts...'_

"Oops, i'm sorry i didn't know you were busy." She fake laughed awkwardly.

_'It hurts...'_

"I came to get my bag," she said looking anxiously around her searching for it.

'_Don't cry.'_

She spotted it rather quickly and she let go of her merchandise to go get it. She murmured a goodbye and a 'have fun' as she closed the door behind her quietly.

And it was then that the 3 guys understood her feelings. Uruha, Reita and Ruki turned simultaneously to look Aoi, who was still staring at the door from which a cheerful cute girl entered, only to leave with such sadness in her eyes.

Was what he did wrong?

Kai placed his hands on Aoi's shoulders and clenched them tight enough to show him that he was displeased from what had just happened. "Was that fun enough for you?" he asked. Aoi shrugged Kai's hands off him. A scowl was formed on his face. He looked at the three guys looking at him like they were looking at an unfamiliar person. They acted like he was the bad guy.

Wasn't he, though?

"Leave" he demanded from the girls that once he spoke they looked each other confused. Since they didn't seem to move,he let out a loud displeased sigh and got up from the couch. He could sense everyone's eyes on him. He left without saying a word.

He was the bad guy after all.

"There were no feelings in the first place,you stupid fangirl." She took some deep breaths to calm herself down. "That's it!" she said getting up from the floor. She put the cigarette in her mouth to try and clean the blackliner marks on her cheeks.

'_You will not get sad again over a guy! You saw the way he was looking at you. Time you do the same!'_

She refused staying insidein the safety of her apartment. She was too upset to sit inside. She recalled that a bar was close to her building.

'_Why the hell not?'_ she thought after managing to clean her face. She took he cigarette out of her mouth. She picked up all the scattered cigarettes groaning while doing so. She grabbed her bag and left her apartment after putting out the cigarette she had lit.

"Wine! Please!" Juusan said to the bartender. It was her third glass. It was certainly enough to make her feel dizzy but as long as she had her cigarettes she would continue drinking. "Stupid Shiroyama. I will show you!" she growled behind her teeth. She had to put aside her feelings. She wasn't supposed to have any feelings in the first place. He was a celebrity and she was a staff member. "I need to be more hard working and forget about all this crap," she said to herself looking at the glass of wine the bartender put in front of her.

"Ah, please do because you are annoying the customers," a voice next to her said. Juusan felt her blood boiling. No one was going to tell her what to do. "If that is so, i suggest you get away from me then 'cause i intend to stay the fuck down here at this very spot!" she growled turning to look at him. When she saw who he was, she laughed and sipped half of her wine. "Ugh, you musicians are everywhere." She rolled her eyes as Die was taken aback by her answer. She leaned toward the bar examining him. "How's Dir En Grey, is it good?" She asked casually like she was talking to a friend. Die chuckled looking at her amused. "Are you alright miss?" he asked raising his hand towards her. She slapped it away death glaring him. "What's up with you musicians, thinking you can have any girl you want and playing around?" she asked boldly drinking the last dropof her wine. Die laughed. This girl was weird. And he thought that he would spend his night quietly. "You sure are harsh to actually know with who you are dealing right now," he said amused rubbing his hand that got slapped. "You didn't reply my question," Juusan said. Die sighed. He fixed the collar of his zipped leather jacket and took a sip of his own drink. "Sometimes we have a big ego, that's pretty much it." he said looking at this weird girl in front of him. She nodded without looking at him. She was focused on playing with her glass.

"What is your name loli?" he asked her. Juusan looked at her dress that wasn't in the best condition and then him. "I just returned from a live," she murmured. "So, i can tell," he followed. "Call me Juusan," she said sticking out her hand. "Keep me company then, Juusan. I need a drinking buddy for tonight. What do you say?" Die asked shaking her hand. Did she really want to do this? She wanted to leave and pretend she never met one of dir en grey's guitarists but her feet were too heavy and she was feeling rather tipsy.

"Sure thing,but only if it's your treat." This was her one condition. She had to forget everything that happened that day either way. She needed company, so she decided to overcome any unwanted feelings that would prevent her from interacting with others normally, even with celebrities.

"Deal,as long as you are quiet. I need to relax." Die smiled as he motioned for the bartender to come.

"Shut up," was her reply.

It was going to be a long night...


End file.
